No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
