oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
