How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
