is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
