??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
