So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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