Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
