Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
