I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
