Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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