I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
