I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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