Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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