I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
