omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
