Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
