I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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