She's JV to your varsity
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
