U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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