i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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