why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
