Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
