I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
