The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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