I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
