When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
In America we eat man semen.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
third nipple confirmed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
