I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
