A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
