What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
