am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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