someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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