Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
