I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
