Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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