I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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