last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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