I want to stick my p in your. b.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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