I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
