you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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