Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
