The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
