I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
