People with herpes should wear stickers.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize