A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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