Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
