2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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