I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
