I think my vagina is haunted
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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