Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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