I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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