And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize