My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
