Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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