You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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