Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
