I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
