so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
