I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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