i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
