Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its not stalking. its research.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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