Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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